Domestic violence

samiahahmad — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 19:12:11 +0000

What NGOs are doing against domestic violence in Pakistan?

I think there should be a need for a clear policy and regulations to gear towards women issues and the elimination of domestic violence.

Elimination of violence against women (EVAW) is catering for women’s empowerment. Many regulatory bodies and legislation should be given the authority to control domestic violence on daily basis. Such include police who should be made efficient enough and gender sensitive, controlling domestic violence during situations like a week ago a video was aired on television regarding a 17 year old Pakistani girl in swat, being whipped by Talibans in public surrounded by men only. This was the implementation of the extra judicial punishment, just because she was escorted by her father in law. In such situations police should play a strong role in restoring women’s rights and control women‘s rights and punishing Talibans for acting unfair over women. In addition to this good institutions would also play an important role where students should carry out research on gender studies throwing light on the sources of domestic violence and other topics being assigned to them on domestic violence against women.

I think that there should also be a national complaint mechanism, where women can lodge their complaints without any fear or women who bear the domestic violence silently for the sake of her children; so that their mental growth does not get affected in the negative way or else they do not have any other place to go. In these situations where women are weak, NGOs and other regulatory bodies should cater for women’s rights who are vital in our societies.

Samiah Ahmed

The Protection against Domestic Violence of Women and Children (PADVWC) Act

maryafawad — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 12:24:22 +0000

The government of Pakistan is contemplating a new law on domestic violence- The Protection against Domestic Violence of Women and Children (PADVWC) Act.
Unfortunately, this will create a lot of controversies. Firstly, people might choose to oppose it simply because they oppose the Pakistani Government due to the general political instability that prevails. Others might think that it is being done to divert the attention of the people or in order to acquire a positive public image. Then there are the religious extremists who will most certainly disagree with anything that grants equal rights to men and women. Islam in our own country, let alone globally is being misunderstood.
Furthermore, women in our country are not aware of their rights and come from very conservative backgrounds due to which they try to resolve domestic abuse-related issues internally. Most of them are afraid to confess that they are victims of abuse and many of them feel embarrassed. They are usually threatened by the males in the family hence this keeps them from getting any sort of help.
Another justification against the law could be that domestic violence is a global issue and it ‘happens to a majority of women’. So they might be lead into thinking that it is a normal issue and there is nothing wrong with it.
Many women sacrifice a lot for their children in Pakistan and do not opt for divorce or separation because their children might get affected adversely by it. However, what they don’t realize is that children could also get affected adversely by the abuse that takes place around them.
Then there are people who think that men could also be victims of abuse. Yes, it’s true that men can be victims but, in our society, women are in a very peripheral position, e.g. only one third seats are reserved for women and they don’t have much say in other important economic or social matters. Therefore, it is very seldom that men fall prey to domestic abuse in Pakistan.
It’s sad that women in our society don’t feel secure in their own homes. They are told to bare with their in-laws and abusive husbands all their lives. This law will protect women but the mind set of the people needs to change too.

SHE should not suffer like this…..

syedasundasfatima — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 12:23:31 +0000

She should not suffer like this…..
After all…………

SHE is the daughter of someone…
SHE is the Sister of someone….
SHE is the wife of someone…..
And SHE is the mother of someone…
HAVE MERCY……….!

Karachi’s City Council’s meeting incident

maryafawad — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 12:20:42 +0000

During a meeting of Karachi’s City Council, the Nazim of Baldia Town UC8 is attacking a woman from the opposition bench with a ‘belt’. This picture has been taken from ‘JANG’ and it depicts that violence against women is not confined to the ‘chardiwari’. It can take place in public and basically anywhere.

domestic violence against men

ayeshabilal — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 16:57:23 +0000

Domestic abuse and violence against men is hard to be discussed. First of all, the incidence of domestic violence reported men appears to be so low that it is hard to get reliable estimates. In addition, it has taken years of advocacy and support to encourage women to report domestic violence. Virtually nothing has been done to encourage men to report abuse. The idea that men could be victims of domestic abuse and violence is so unthinkable that many men will not even attempt to report the situation.
The dynamic of domestic abuse and violence is also different between men and women. The reasons, purposes and motivations are often very different between sexes. Although the counseling and psychological community have responded to domestic abuse and violence against women, there has been very little investment in resources to address and understand the issues of domestic abuse and violence against men. In most cases, the actual physical damage inflicted by men is so much greater than the actual physical harm inflected by women. The impact of domestic violence is less apparent and less likely to come to the attention of others when men are abused. For example, it is assumed than a man with a bruise or black eye was in a fight with another man or was injured on the job or playing contact sports. Even when men do report domestic abuse and violence, most people are so astonished men usually end up feeling like nobody believes them.
There are no absolute rules for understanding the emotional differences between men and women. There are principles and dynamics that allow interpretation of individual situations. Domestic abuse and violence against men and women have some similarities and difference. For men or women, domestic violence includes pushing, slapping, hitting, throwing objects, forcing or slamming a door or striking the other person with an object, or using a weapon. Domestic abuse can also be mental or emotional. HoweverHowever, what will hurt a man mentally and emotionally, can in some cases be very different from what hurts a woman. For some men, being called a coward, impotent or a failure can have a very different psychological impact than it would on women. Unkind and cruel words hurt, but they can hurt in different ways and linger in different ways. In most cases, men are more deeply affected by emotional abuse than physical abuse.
For example, the ability to tolerate and “brush off” a physical assault by women in front of other men can in some cases reassure a man that he is strong and communicate to other men that he can live up to the code of never hitting a woman. Significant numberof men are overly sensitive to emotional and psychological abuse. In some cases, humiliating a man emotionally in front of other men can be more devastating than physical abuse. Some professionals have observed that mental and emotional abuse can be an area where women are often “brutal” than men. Men on the other hand are quicker to resort to physical abuse and they are more capable of physical assaults that are more brutal.

ayesha bilal

Domestic Violence

ayeshabilal — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 16:50:35 +0000

Domestic violence can be where one person physically attacks the other or it may be another form of abuse such as emotional, sexual or financial abuse. It is where one person harms another person with whom they have (or have had) some sort of relationship. They do not need to be heterosexual partners and they need not live in the same property. Both women and men can experience domestic violence. Domestic violence can include elder abuse as well. This is where harm is done, or distress caused, to an older person within a relationship where there is an expectation of trust. It can happen at home or within a care setting or hospital. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” He or she uses fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and gain complete power over you. He or she may threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you.

Victims of domestic abuse or domestic violence may be men or women, although women are more commonly victimized. This abuse happens among heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships. Except for the gender difference, domestic abuse doesn’t discriminate. It happens within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and financial levels. The abuse may occur during a relationship, while the couple is breaking up, or after the relationship has ended.

Despite what many people believe, domestic violence is not due to the abuser’s loss of control over his behavior. In fact, violence is a deliberate choice made by the abuser in order to take control over his wife or partner.

Domestic abuse falls into a common pattern, or cycle of violence:

Abuse — The abuser lashes out with aggressive or violent behavior. The abuse is a power play designed to show the victim “who is boss.”
Guilt — After the abusive episode, the abuser feels guilt, but not over what he’s done to the victim. The guilt is over the possibility of being caught and facing consequences.
Rationalization or excuses — The abuser rationalizes what he’s done. He may come up with a string of excuses or blame the victim for his own abusive behavior—anything to shift responsibility from himself.
“Normal” behavior — The abuser does everything he can to regain control and keep the victim in the relationship. He may act as if nothing has happened, or he may turn on the charm. This peaceful honeymoon phase may give the victim hope that the abuser has really changed this time.
Fantasy and planning — The abuser begins to fantasize about abusing his victim again, spending a lot of time thinking about what she’s done wrong and how he’ll make her pay. Then he makes a plan for turning the fantasy of abuse into reality.
Set-up — the abuser sets up the victim and puts his plan in motion, creating a situation where he can justify abusing her.

The Full Cycle of Domestic Violence

A man abuses his partner. After he hits her, he experiences self-directed guilt. He says, “I’m sorry for hurting you.” What he does not say is, “Because I might get caught.” He then rationalizes his behavior by saying that his partner is having an affair with someone. He tells her “If you weren’t such a worthless whore I wouldn’t have to hit you.” He then acts contrite, reassuring her that he will not hurt her again. He then fantasizes and reflects on past abuse and how he will hurt her again. He plans on telling her to go to the store to get some groceries. What he withholds from her is that she has a certain amount of time to do the shopping. When she is held up in traffic and is a few minutes late, he feels completely justified in assaulting her because “you’re having an affair with the store clerk.” He has just set her up.

Your abuser’s apologies and loving gestures in between the episodes of abuse can make it difficult to leave. He may make you believe that you are the only person who can help him, that things will be different this time, and that he truly loves you. However, the dangers of staying are real.

Domestic abuse often escalates from threats and verbal abuse to physical violence and even murder. And while physical injury may be the most obvious danger, the emotional and psychological consequences of domestic abuse are also severe. No one deserves this kind of pain—and your first step to breaking free is recognizing that your situation is abusive. Once you acknowledge the reality of the abusive situation, then you can get the help you need.

Domestic violence warning signs

Take Precautions

Call the police in your community if you suspect a case of domestic violence.

It’s impossible to know with certainty what goes on behind closed doors, but there are some telltale signs and symptoms of domestic violence and abuse. If you witness a number of warning signs in a friend, family member, or co-worker, you can reasonably suspect domestic abuse.

Frequent injuries, with the excuse of “accidents”
Frequent and sudden absences from work or school
Frequent, harassing phone calls from the partner
Fear of the partner, references to the partner’s anger
Personality changes (e.g. an outgoing woman becomes withdrawn)
Excessive fear of conflict
Submissive behavior, lack of assertiveness
Isolation from friends and family
Insufficient resources to live (money, credit cards, car)
Depression, crying, low self-esteem

Reporting suspected domestic abuse is important. If you’re afraid of getting involved, remember that the report is confidential and everything possible will be done to protect your privacy. You don’t have to give your name, and your suspicions will be investigated before anyone is taken into custody. Most important, you can protect the victim from further harm by calling for help. If you are a victim of a violent relationship you may need somewhere safe to stay, either alone or with your children. The options are to stay at home if you think this is safe, stay with relatives or friends, stay in a women’s refuge. This is only an option for women with or without children, gets emergency accommodation from the local authority under homeless persons law or get privately rented accommodation

Ayesha bilal

Celebrity quotes on domestic violence

maryafawad — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 13:44:20 +0000

“My mother was abused by my father until I was 13 years old. At the time, I didn’t know what I could do or who I could turn to. Even though both my parents loved me, it was an unhealthy situation. I promised myself that if I ever had the chance to speak out and reach people, I’d help get the word out about domestic violence and let people know that help is available…. When I was in school, they didn’t talk about teens experiencing dating or domestic violence. It’s a problem, because kids might not realize they’re in an unhealthy relationship—they might not see the warning signs early on… Everybody deserves a healthy relationship. If you’re being abused, don’t be afraid to tell someone you trust and get help.”

Missy Elliott

“Domestic violence affects many young people, whether in their relationships with each other or if they have grown up with violence in their homes. From playing Ste on Hollyoaks I can imagine how frightening it would be to have him as a boyfriend. Violence and bullying in relationships is always unacceptable. Everyone should Expect Respect in all of their relationships, and not only expect to be respected but to give respect to others as well.”

Kieron Richardson who plays Ste in Hollyoaks

“Domestic abuse takes many forms, it can be physical, sexual or mental. In Hollyoaks, my character Amy faced this in her relationship with Ste and I know from this storyline why it can be difficult to leave an abusive relationship. If domestic violence is affecting your life in any way, you can go to www.thehideout.org.uk for support and information. The important thing to remember is that there is also someone willing to listen so don’t suffer in silence.”

Ashley Slanina-Davies who plays Amy in Hollyoaks

“We really support The Hideout. It’s great that children have some help to get away from violence at home. This website would be a great help for young children who think there is no one there listening to them.”

Girls Aloud

Domestic violence hurts everyone!

syedasundasfatima — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 13:03:18 +0000

Domestic violence not only hurts the person who is suffering from but the whole society becomes the victim of it.

In our society aspiration has a lot of importance. Whatever we do, we get aspired by others. Though it is not part of our nature but unfortunately, our society forces us to adopt those wrong acts.

No one wants to be treated harsh or no one likes to be abused and kicked off. Everyone wants love, affection and friendly environments. But sadly these people who have lost their values, love does not exists in their life. They are ruining the atmosphere of the society.

Please stop!!!!

and understand the mechanism of God.

Stop adopting wrong acts.

We are here to love each other, not here to hurt anyone.

By: Syeda Sundas Fatima

multiple corrective surgeries as a result of cruel beatings …. !

samiahahmad — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 10:17:22 +0000

UNRECOGNIZED WIFE

This lady was beaten so badly by her husband that her best friend could not find her in the Emergency Room. She was unrecognizable.

She has had multiple corrective surgeries. She has authorized publication of her pictures for the good of others.

By : Samiah Ahmed

warning signs to domestic violence & its treatment

samiahahmad — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 09:21:43 +0000

Domestic violence warning signs

Frequent injuries, with the excuse of “accidents
Frequent and sudden absences from work or school
Frequent, harassing phone calls from the partner
Fear of the partner, references to the partner’s anger
Personality changes (e.g. an outgoing woman becomes withdrawn)
Excessive fear of conflict Submissive behavior,
lack of assertiveness
Isolation from friends and family Insufficient resources to live (money, credit cards, car)
Depression, crying, low self-esteem

ITS TREATMENT

How can a woman safely leave an abusive relationship and protect herself from further abuse? Most women cannot simply leave their homes, their jobs, their children’s schools, their friends, and their relatives to escape their abuser. They depend upon police to enforce the law against physical abuse. Yet, police cannot act until a restraining order is violated or until some physical harm again befalls the woman.

If you are a victim of domestic violence, you may believe that it’s easier to stay with your abuser than to try to leave and risk retaliation. However, there are many things you can do to protect yourself while getting out of an abusive situation, and there are people waiting to help.

If you’re still living with your abusive partner:

Know your abuser’s red flags.

Be on alert for signs and clues that your abuser is getting upset and may explode in anger or violence. Come up with several believable reasons you can use to leave the house (both during the day and at night) if you sense trouble brewing.

Identify safe areas of the house.

Know where to go if your abuser attacks or an argument starts. Avoid small, enclosed spaces without exits (such as closets or bathrooms) or rooms with weapons (such as the kitchen). If possible, head for a room with a phone and an outside door or window.

Be prepared to leave at a moment’s notice.

Keep the car fueled up and facing the driveway exit, with the driver’s door unlocked. Hide a spare car key where you can get it quickly. Have emergency cash, clothing, and important phone numbers and documents stashed in a safe place (at a friend’s house, for example).

Practice escaping quickly and safely.

Rehearse your escape plan so you know exactly what to do if under attack from your abuser. If you have children, have them practice the escape plan also.

Come up with a code word.

Establish a word, phrase, or signal you can use to let your children, friends, neighbors, or co-workers know that you’re in danger and the police should be called.

Make and memorize a list of emergency contacts.

Ask several trusted individuals if you can contact them if you need a ride, a place to stay, or help contacting the police. Memorize the numbers of your emergency contacts, local shelter, and domestic violence hotline.

Keep change and cash on you at all times.

Know where the nearest public phone is located, and have change available so you can use it in an emergency situation to call for help. Also try to keep cash on hand for cab fare.

Additionally, to keep yourself safe from domestic abuse and violence you should document all abuse. If you’ve been injured, take photographs. If you have been abused in front of others, ask witnesses to write down what they saw. Finally, don’t hesitate to call the police if your abuser has hurt you or broken the law. Contact the police even if you just think your abuser might have broken a law. Assaulting you, stealing from you, and destroying your property are all crimes.

By : Samiah Ahmed